I was raised in a bi-lingual home. My German mother lost most of her family in World War II when she was only a teenager, but her experiences only deepened her faith. She met my father in Switzerland and immigrated in 1955. My father loves the Lord too and is a gentle, faithful, hardworking man. So I was blessed with a rich, spiritual heritage.
As a child I was wild, rebellious and impulsive. Once when my mother made me stand in a corner for misbehavior, I spit at the wall. I wanted to be a good girl, yet no matter how hard I tried, by the end of the day I usually said or did something that deserved discipline. By the time I was seven, every spanking painfully reinforced that I had failed once again in my quest to be good. I got in trouble so much I had no doubt that I was a sinner. Many times I’d lay in bed at night begging Jesus for forgiveness.
When I was ten years old my family attended a Billy Graham Crusade in Portland, Oregon. At Dr. Graham’s invitation, I went forward with trembling knees but with all my heart saying, “Here I come, Jesus.” I was so filled with joy that my sins were now truly forgiven. From that time on, I knew I belonged to Him.
Through the Holy Spirit’s work, I slowly morphed into a “good girl.” My mother commented on the change when she noted that now I willingly helped her do the dishes without complaining or arguing. I am certain that had I not surrendered to Jesus as a child, I would have rebelled as a teenager.
At Multnomah School of the Bible, I met a gifted and charismatic young man who became my husband. We talked about serving God together. However, three months after we were married, he began to pursue a career in blackjack. He became one of the world’s top card counters and eventually wrote several books on the subject.
However, when he started earning a living this way, I was only a young bride. I was deeply disappointed by his decision and confused about my identity. I did not want to be a gambler’s wife. That was not the ticket I had signed up for. But God showed me that my identity is not in my husband but in Him. Sometimes I wonder—if I had married some pastor, how long would it have taken me to learn this lesson?
We had two precious boys who are now grown. Needless to say, the blackjack lifestyle was extremely difficult in many respects. But in the dark seasons of life God became real to me. I learned deep lessons of faith in trusting Him, experienced His comfort in grief and troubles, and witnessed His resurrection power in reconciling relationships.
Today I feel so blessed by all God has done for me, in my husband, in my kids, and how He continues to work in our lives, imperfect as we are. My fervent wish is to continue serving Him wholeheartedly wherever He leads.
Every small choice we make today determines who we will be tomorrow.
